If they but hear perchance a trumpet sound,


You shall perceive them make a mutual stand,


Their savage eyes turnd to a modest gaze


By the sweet power of music: therefore the poet


Did feign that Orpheus drew trees, stones and floods;


Since nought so stockish, hard and full of rage,


But music for the time doth change his nature.


Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,


Is fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils;


The motions of his spirit are dull as night


Let no such man be trusted. Mark the music.


That light we see is burning in my hall.


How far that little candle throws his beams!


So shines a good deed in a naughty world.


When the moon shone, we did not see the candle.


Nothing is good, I see, without respect:


Methinks it sounds much sweeter than by day.


Silence bestows that virtue on it, madam.


The crow doth sing as sweetly as the lark,


The nightingale, if she should sing by day,


When every goose is cackling, would be thought


To their right praise and true perfection!


Peace, ho! the moon sleeps with Endymion


He knows me as the blind man knows the cuckoo,


We have been praying for our husbands healths,


Which speed, we hope, the better for our words.


Give order to my servants that they take


No note at all of our being absent hence;


Your husband is at hand; I hear his trumpet:


We are no tell-tales, madam; fear you not.


This night methinks is but the daylight sick;


Enter BASSANIO, ANTONIO, GRATIANO, and their followers


If you would walk in absence of the sun.


Let me give light, but let me not be light;


For a light wife doth make a heavy husband,


But God sort all! You are welcome home, my lord.


I thank you, madam. Give welcome to my friend.


You should in all sense be much bound to him.


For, as I hear, he was much bound for you.


It must appear in other ways than words,


Therefore I scant this breathing courtesy.


[To NERISSA]  By yonder moon I swear you do me wrong;


In faith, I gave it to the judges clerk:


Would he were gelt that had it, for my part,


Since you do take it, love, so much at heart.


A quarrel, ho, already! whats the matter?


Upon  a knife, Love me, and leave me not.


You swore to me, when I did give it you,


That you would wear it till your hour of death


And that it should lie with you in your grave:


Though not for me, yet for your vehement oaths,


You should have been respective and have kept it.


Gave it a judges clerk! no, Gods my judge,


The clerk will neer wear hair ons face that had it.


Now, by this hand, I gave it to a youth,


No higher than thyself; the judges clerk,


You were to blame, I must be plain with you,


To part so slightly with your wifes first gift:


A thing stuck on with oaths upon your finger


And so riveted with faith unto your flesh.


I gave my love a ring and made him swear


Never to part with it; and here he stands;


I dare be sworn for him he would not leave it


Nor pluck it from his finger, for the wealth


That the world masters. Now, in faith, Gratiano,


You give your wife too unkind a cause of grief:


[Aside]  Why, I were best to cut my left hand off


Deserved it too; and then the boy, his clerk,


That took some pains in writing, he beggd mine;


And neither man nor master would take aught


Not that, I hope, which you received of me.


Even so void is your false heart of truth.


If you did know to whom I gave the ring,


If you did know for whom I gave the ring


And would conceive for what I gave the ring


When nought would be accepted but the ring,


You would abate the strength of your displeasure.


If you had known the virtue of the ring,


Or half her worthiness that gave the ring,


You would not then have parted with the ring.


With any terms of zeal, wanted the modesty


Ill die fort but some woman had the ring.


Which did refuse three thousand ducats of me


And beggd the ring; the which I did deny him


Of my dear friend. What should I say, sweet lady?


So much besmear it. Pardon me, good lady;


For, by these blessed candles of the night,


Had you been there, I think you would have beggd


The ring of me to give the worthy doctor.


Let not that doctor eer come near my house:


Since he hath got the jewel that I loved,


And that which you did swear to keep for me,


Lie not a night from home; watch me like Argus:


Now, by mine honour, which is yet mine own,


And I his clerk; therefore be well advised


How you do leave me to mine own protection.


Well, do you so; let not me take him, then;


For if I do, Ill mar the young clerks pen.


I am the unhappy subject of these quarrels.


Sir, grieve not you; you are welcome notwithstanding.


And, in the hearing of these many friends,


I swear to thee, even by thine own fair eyes,


In each eye, one: swear by your double self,


Pardon this fault, and by my soul I swear


I never more will break an oath with thee.


Which, but for him that had your husbands ring,


Had quite miscarried: I dare be bound again,


My soul upon the forfeit, that your lord


Then you shall be his surety. Give him this


And bid him keep it better than the other.


Here, Lord Bassanio; swear to keep this ring.


By heaven, it is the same I gave the doctor!


For, by this ring, the doctor lay with me.


For that same scrubbed boy, the doctors clerk,


In lieu of this last night did lie with me.


Why, this is like the mending of highways


In summer, where the ways are fair enough:


What, are we cuckolds ere we have deserved it?


Speak not so grossly. You are all amazed:


Here is a letter; read it at your leisure;


There you shall find that Portia was the doctor,


Shall witness I set forth as soon as you


And even but now returnd; I have not yet


Enterd my house. Antonio, you are welcome;


Than you expect: unseal this letter soon;


There you shall find three of your argosies


You shall not know by what strange accident


Were you the clerk that is to make me cuckold?


Ay, but the clerk that never means to do it,


Sweet doctor, you shall be my bed-fellow:


When I am absent, then lie with my wife.


Sweet lady, you have given me life and living;


For here I read for certain that my ships


My clerk hath some good comforts too for you.


Ay, and Ill give them him without a fee.


From the rich Jew, a special deed of gift,


After his death, of all he dies possessd of.


And we will answer all things faithfully.


Whether till the next night she had rather stay,


Or go to bed now, being two hours to day:


But were the day come, I should wish it dark,


That I were couching with the doctors clerk.


Well, while I live Ill fear no other thing


Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS


Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-


chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John


Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.


In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and


Ay, and Rato-lorum too; and a gentleman born,


master parson; who writes himself Armigero, in any


bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, Armigero.


Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three


All his successors gone before him hath donet; and


all his ancestors that come after him may: they may


give the dozen white luces in their coat.


The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;


it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to


The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.


Yes, pyr lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,


there is but three skirts for yourself, in my


simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir


John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto


you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my


benevolence to make atonements and compremises


The council shall bear it; it is a riot.


It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no


fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall


desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a


Ha! o my life, if I were young again, the sword


It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:


and there is also another device in my prain, which


peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there


is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas


Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks


It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as


you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,


and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his


deaths-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!


--give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years


old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles


and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master


Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?


Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.


I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.


Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.


Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?


Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do


despise one that is false, or as I despise one that


is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I


beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will


Here is Gots plessing, and your friend, and Justice


Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that


peradventures shall tell you another tale, if


I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.


Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it


your good heart! I wished your venison better; it


was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I


thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.


I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.


How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he


That he will not. Tis your fault, tis your fault;


Sir, hes a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be


more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John


Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good


It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.


If it be confessed, it is not redressd: is not that


so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he


hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert


Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL


Now, Master Shallow, youll complain of me to the king?


Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and


I will answer it straight; I have done all this.


Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:


Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your


Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;


and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,


Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! thats my humour.


Wheres Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?


Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is


three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that


is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is


myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,


lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.


We three, to hear it and end it between them.


Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-


book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with


The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He


hears with ear? why, it is affectations.


Pistol, did you pick Master Slenders purse?


Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might


never come in mine own great chamber again else, of


seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward


shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two


pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.


Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,


I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.


Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!


Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say


marry trap with you, if you run the nuthooks


humour on me; that is the very note of it.


By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for


though I cannot remember what I did when you made me


Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk


It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!


And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and


Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but tis no


matter: Ill neer be drunk whilst I live again,


but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:


if I be drunk, Ill be drunk with those that have


the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.


So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.


You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.


Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following


Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; well drink within.


Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:


Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a


hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope


Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS


I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of


How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait


on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles


Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice


Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight


Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with


you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as twere, a


tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh


Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,


Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will


description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.


Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray


you, pardon me; hes a justice of peace in his


But that is not the question: the question is


Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.


Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any


But can you affection the oman? Let us command to


know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers


philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the


mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your


Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?


I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that


Nay, Gots lords and his ladies! you must speak


possitable, if you can carry her your desires


That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?


I will do a greater thing than that, upon your


Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do


is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?


I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there


be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may


decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are


married and have more occasion to know one another;


I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:


but if you say, Marry her, I will marry her; that


It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in


the ort dissolutely: the ort is, according to our


meaning, resolutely: his meaning is good.


Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!


Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!


The dinner is on the table; my father desires your


Ods plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.


Willt please your worship to come in, sir?


No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.


I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,


sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my


A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his


friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy


yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I


I may not go in without your worship: they will not


I faith, Ill eat nothing; I thank you as much as


I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised


my shin th other day with playing at sword and


dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a


dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot


abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your


dogs bark so? be there bears i the town?


I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.


I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at


it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see


Thats meat and drink to me, now. I have seen


Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by


the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so


cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,


indeed, cannot abide em; they are very ill-favored


Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.


By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.


Ill rather be unmannerly than troublesome.


Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius house which


is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,


which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry


nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and


Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it


is a oman that altogethers acquaintance with


Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire


and require her to solicit your masters desires to


Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will


make an end of my dinner; theres pippins and cheese to come.


Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN


What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.


Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my


Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.


Thourt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I


will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall


Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.


Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:


an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered


It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.


O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?


He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?


I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his


thefts were too open; his filching was like an


The good humour is to steal at a minutes rest.


Convey, the wise it call. Steal! foh! a fico


There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.


I ken the wight: he is of substance good.


My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.


No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two


yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about


thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Fords


wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,


she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I


can construe the action of her familiar style; and


the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished


He hath studied her will, and translated her will,


The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?


Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her


husbands purse: he hath a legion of angels.


As many devils entertain; and To her, boy, say I.


The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.


I have writ me here a letter to her: and here


another to Pages wife, who even now gave me good


eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious


oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my


O, she did so course oer my exteriors with such a


greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did


seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Heres


another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she


is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will


be cheater to them both, and they shall be


exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West


Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou


this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to


Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.


And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!


I will run no base humour: here, take the


humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.


[To ROBIN]  Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;


Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.


Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;


Trudge, plod away o the hoof; seek shelter, pack!


Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,


French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.


Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,


And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:


Tester Ill have in pouch when thou shalt lack,


I have operations which be humours of revenge.


I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.


His dove will prove, his gold will hold,


My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to


deal with poison; I will possess him with


yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous:


Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.


Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY


What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,


and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor


Caius, coming. If he do, i faith, and find any


body in the house, here will be an old abusing of


Go; and well have a posset fort soon at night, in


faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.


An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant


shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no


tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,


that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish


that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let


that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?


Does he not wear a great round beard, like a


No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a


little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.


Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands


as any is between this and his head; he hath fought


How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not


hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?


Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell


Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your


master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--


We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;


go into this closet: he will not stay long.


What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!


Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt


Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,


go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,


a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.


I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found


the young man, he would have been horn-mad.


Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je


Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere


You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,


take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.


Quai-joublie! dere is some simples in my closet,


dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.


Ay me, hell find the young man here, and be mad!


O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!


What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is


no honest man dat shall come in my closet.


I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth


of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.


To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to


speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my


This is all, indeed, la! but Ill neer put my


Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.


[Aside to SIMPLE]  I am glad he is so quiet: if he


had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him


so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,


man, Ill do you your master what good I can: and


the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my


master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I


keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,


scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do


[Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY]  Tis a great charge to


[Aside to SIMPLE]  Are you avised o that? you


shall find it a great charge: and to be up early


and down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you in


your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master


himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but


notwithstanding that, I know Annes mind,--thats


You jacknape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by


gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee


park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest


to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good


you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two


stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw


It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me


dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I


vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine


host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I


Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We


must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!


Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have


not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my


You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I


know Annes mind for that: never a woman in Windsor


knows more of Annes mind than I do; nor can do more


Whos there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.


The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.


What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?


In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and


gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you


that by the way; I praise heaven for it.


Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?


Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but


notwithstanding, Master Fenton, Ill be sworn on a


book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart


Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such


another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever


broke bread: we had an hours talk of that wart. I


shall never laugh but in that maids company! But


indeed she is given too much to allicholy and


Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, theres money


for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if


Will I? ifaith, that we will; and I will tell your


worship more of the wart the next time we have


Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.


Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;


for I know Annes mind as well as another does. Out


What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-


time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them?


Ask me no reason why I love you; for though


Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him


not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more


am I; go to then, theres sympathy: you are merry,


so am I; ha, ha! then theres more sympathy: you


love sack, and so do I; would you desire better


sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at


the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--


that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; tis


not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me,


world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with


age to show himself a young gallant! What an


unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard


picked--with the devils name!--out of my


conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?


Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What


should I say to him? I was then frugal of my


mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, Ill exhibit a bill


in the parliament for the putting down of men. How


shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be,


as sure as his guts are made of puddings.


Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.


And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very


Nay, Ill neer believe that; I have to show to the contrary.


Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the


contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!


O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I


Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is


If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,


What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights


will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the


We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I


might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat


men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of


mens liking: and yet he would not swear; praised


womens modesty; and gave such orderly and


well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I


would have sworn his disposition would have gone to


the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere


and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to


the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow,


threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his


belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged


on him? I think the best way were to entertain him


with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted


him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?


Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and


Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery


of ill opinions, heres the twin-brother of thy


letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I


protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a


thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for


different names--sure, more,--and these are of the


second edition: he will print them, out of doubt;


for he cares not what he puts into the press, when


he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess,


and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you


twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.


Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very


Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to


wrangle with mine own honesty. Ill entertain


myself like one that I am not acquainted withal;


for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I


know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.


Boarding, call you it? Ill be sure to keep him


So will Iif he come under my hatches, Ill never


to sea again. Lets be revenged on him: lets


appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in


his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay,


till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.


Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him,


that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O,


that my husband saw this letter! it would give


Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: hes


as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause;


and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance.


Lets consult together against this greasy knight.


Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYM


He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,


Both young and old, one with another, Ford;


He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.


With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,


Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:


Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night:


Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing.


[Aside]  I will be patient; I will find out this.


[To PAGE]  And this is true; I like not the humour


of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I


should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I


have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity.


He loves your wife; theres the short and the long.


My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; tis


true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife.


Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese,


The humour of it, quoth a! heres a fellow


I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.


I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest


o the town commended him for a true man.


MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD come forward


How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?


I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.


Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now,


Have with you. Youll come to dinner, George.


Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger


[Aside to MISTRESS PAGE]  Trust me, I thought on her:


Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?


Go in with us and see: we have an hours talk with


Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and MISTRESS QUICKLY


You heard what this knave told me, did you not?


Yes: and you heard what the other told me?


Hang em, slaves! I do not think the knight would


offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent


towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men;


very rogues, now they be out of service.


I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at


Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage


towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and


what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it


I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to


turn them together. A man may be too confident: I


would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.


Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:


there is either liquor in his pate or money in his


How now, bully-rook! thourt a gentleman.


I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and


twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go


Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.


Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh


the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.


Good mine host o the Garter, a word with you.


[To PAGE]  Will you go with us to behold it? My


merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;


and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;


for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.


Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.


None, I protest: but Ill give you a pottle of


burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him


My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;


--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is


I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in


Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times


you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and


I know not what: tis the heart, Master Page; tis


here, tis here. I have seen the time, with my long


sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.


Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.


Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly


on his wifes frailty, yet I cannot put off my


opinion so easily: she was in his company at Pages


house; and what they made there, I know not. Well,


I will look further intot: and I have a disguise


to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not


my labour; if she be otherwise, tis labour well bestowed.


Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should


lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my


good friends for three reprieves for you and your


coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through


the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in


hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were


good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress


Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I tookt upon


Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?


Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou Ill


endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more


about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife


and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go.


Youll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you


stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable


baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the


terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself


sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand


and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to


shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,


will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain


looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your


bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your


I do relent: what would thou more of man?


Sir, heres a woman would speak with you.


As my mother was, the first hour I was born.


Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?


Two thousand, fair woman: and Ill vouchsafe thee


There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come a


little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with master


Your worship says very true: I pray your worship,


I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine


Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants!


Why, sir, shes a good creature. Lord Lord! your


worships a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all


Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you


have brought her into such a canaries as tis


wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the


court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her


to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and


lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant


you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift


after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so


rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in


such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of


the best and the fairest, that would have won any


womans heart; and, I warrant you, they could never


get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels


given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in


any such sort, as they say, but in the way of


honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get


her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of


them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which


is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.


But what says she to me? be brief, my good


Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which


she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you


to notify that her husband will be absence from his


Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the


picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford,


her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet


woman leads an ill life with him: hes a very


jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with


Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will


Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to


your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty


commendations to you too: and let me tell you in


your ear, shes as fartuous a civil modest wife, and


one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor


evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoeer be the


other: and she bade me tell your worship that her


husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there


will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon


a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.


Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my


good parts aside I have no other charms.


But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Fords wife and


Pages wife acquainted each other how they love me?


That were a jest indeed! they have not so little


grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but


Mistress Page would desire you to send her your


little page, of all loves: her husband has a


marvellous infection to the little page; and truly


Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in


Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what


she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go


to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as


she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there


be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must


Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and


go between you both; and in any case have a


nay-word, that you may know one anothers mind, and


the boy never need to understand any thing; for


tis not good that children should know any


wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion,


Fare thee well: commend me to them both: theres


my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with


Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:


Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!


Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; Ill make


more of thy old body than I have done. Will they


yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense


of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I


thank thee. Let them say tis grossly done; so it be


Sir John, theres one Master Brook below would fain


speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath


sent your worship a mornings draught of sack.


Such Brooks are welcome to me, that oerflow such


liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page


I make bold to press with so little preparation upon


Youre welcome. Whats your will? Give us leave, drawer.


Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.


Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.


Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you;


for I must let you understand I think myself in


better plight for a lender than you are: the which


hath something emboldend me to this unseasoned


intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all


Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.


Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me:


if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or


Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.


I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.


Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be


Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief


with you,--and you have been a man long known to me,


though I had never so good means, as desire, to make


myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a


thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine


own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have


one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded,


turn another into the register of your own; that I


may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you


yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.


There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husbands


I have long loved her, and, I protest to you,


bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting


observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her;


feed every slight occasion that could but niggardly


give me sight of her; not only bought many presents


to give her, but have given largely to many to know


what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued


her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the


wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have


merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed,


I am sure, I have received none; unless experience


be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite


rate, and that hath taught me to say this:


Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;


Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.


Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?


Have you importuned her to such a purpose?


Like a fair house built on another mans ground; so


that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place


To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?


When I have told you that, I have told you all.


Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in


other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that


there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir


John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a


gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable


discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your


place and person, generally allowed for your many


war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.


Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend


it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only


give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as


to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this


Fords wife: use your art of wooing; win her to


consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as


Would it apply well to the vehemency of your


affection, that I should win what you would enjoy?


Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.


O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on


the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my


soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to


be looked against. Now, could I could come to her


with any detection in my hand, my desires had


instance and argument to commend themselves: I


could drive her then from the ward of her purity,


her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand


other her defences, which now are too too strongly


embattled against me. What say you tot, Sir John?


Master Brook, I will first make bold with your


money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a


gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Fords wife.


Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.


Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want


none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her


own appointment; even as you came in to me, her


assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I


shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at


that time the jealous rascally knave her husband


will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall


I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford,


Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:


yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the


jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the


which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will


use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogues coffer;


I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him


Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will


stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my


cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor oer the


cuckolds horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I


will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt


lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night.


Fords a knave, and I will aggravate his style;


thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and


What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is


ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is


improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the


hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man


have thought this? See the hell of having a false


woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers


ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not


only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under


the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that


does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds


well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are


devils additions, the names of fiends: but


Cuckold! Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath


not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he


will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will


rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh


the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my


aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling


gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots,


then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they


think in their hearts they may effect, they will


break their hearts but they will effect. God be


praised for my jealousy! Eleven oclock the hour.


I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on


Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it;


better three hours too soon than a minute too late.


Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!


Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.


By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he


has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,


Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.


He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill


By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.


Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.


Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?


To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee


traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to


see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy


distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is


he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my


AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is


By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he


Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!


I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or


seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.


He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of


souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should


fight, you go against the hair of your professions.


Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great


Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of


the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to


make one. Though we are justices and doctors and


churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our


youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.


It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor


Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of


the peace: you have showed yourself a wise


physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise


and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.


Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.


Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.


By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de


Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me


He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.


By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;


And I will provoke him tot, or let him wag.


And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and


Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you


He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will


bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?


By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a


Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold


water on thy choler: go about the fields with me


through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress


Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou


shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?


By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;


and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,


de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.


For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne


I pray you now, good master Slenders serving-man,


and friend Simple by your name, which way have you


looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?


Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every


way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town


I most fehemently desire you you will also look that


Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and


trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have


deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog


his urinals about his knaves costard when I have


good opportunities for the ork. Pless my soul!


Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.


Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.


Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?


No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master


Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over


Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.


How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.


Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student


Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!


What, the sword and the word! do you study them


And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this


We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.


Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike


having received wrong by some person, is at most


odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you


I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never


heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so


I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the


Gots will, and his passion of my heart! I had as


lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.


He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,


--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you


I warrant you, hes the man should fight with him.


It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:


Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.


Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep


I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.


[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS]  Pray you, use your patience:


By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.


[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS]  Pray you let us not be


laughing-stocks to other mens humours; I desire you


in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.


I will knog your urinals about your knaves cockscomb


for missing your meetings and appointments.


Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I


not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place


As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the


place appointed: Ill be judgement by mine host of


Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,


Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I


politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I


lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the


motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir


Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the


no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me


thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have


deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong


places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are


whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay


their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;


Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.


Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of


This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I


desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog


our prains together to be revenge on this same


scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.


By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me


where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.


Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.


Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to


be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether


had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your masters heels?


I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man


O, you are a flattering boy: now I see youll be a courtier.


Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?


Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?


Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want


of company. I think, if your husbands were dead,


I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my


husband had him of. What do you call your knights


He, he; I can never hit ons name. There is such a


league between my good man and he! Is your wife at


By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.


Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any


thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.


Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as


easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve


score. He pieces out his wifes inclination; he


gives her folly motion and advantage: and now shes


going to my wife, and Falstaffs boy with her. A


man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And


Falstaffs boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;


and our revolted wives share damnation together.


Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck


the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming


Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and


wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all


The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me


search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be


rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as


positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is


Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, SIR HUGH EVANS, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY


Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home;


And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with


Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for


We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and


my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.


I hope I have your good will, father Page.


You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:


but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.


Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a


What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he


dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he


speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will


carryt, he will carryt; tis in his buttons; he


Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is


of no having: he kept company with the wild prince


and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too


much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes


with the finger of my substance: if he take her,


let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on


my consent, and my consent goes not that way.


I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me


to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have


sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,


you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.


Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing


Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight


[Aside]  I think I shall drink in pipe wine first


with him; Ill make him dance. Will you go, gentles?


Give your men the charge; we must be brief.


Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be


ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I


suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause


or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:


that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry


it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there


empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.


I ha told them over and over; they lack no


direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.


How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?


My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,


Mistress Ford, and requests your company.


You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?


Ay, Ill be sworn. My master knows not of your


being here and hath threatened to put me into


everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he


Thourt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be


a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet


I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.


Go to, then: well use this unwholesome humidity,


this gross watery pumpion; well teach him to know


Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let


me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the


period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!


Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,


Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would


thy husband were dead: Ill speak it before the


I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!


Let the court of France show me such another. I see


how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast


the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the


ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of


A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing


By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou


wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm


fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion


to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see


what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature


thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.


Believe me, there is no such thing in me.


What made me love thee? let that persuade thee


theres something extraordinary in thee. Come, I


cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a


many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like


women in mens apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury


in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none


Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.


Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the


Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek


Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one


Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not


[Within]  Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! heres


Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and


looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.


She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.


Pray you, do so: shes a very tattling woman.


O Mistress Ford, what have you done? Youre shamed,


youre overthrown, youre undone for ever!


O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man


to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!


What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I


Your husbands coming hither, woman, with all the


officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that


he says is here now in the house by your consent, to


take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.


Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man


here! but tis most certain your husbands coming,


with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a


one. I come before to tell you. If you know


yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you


have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not


amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your


reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.


What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear


friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his


peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were


For shame! never stand you had rather and you


had rather: your husbands here at hand, bethink


you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot


hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here


is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he


may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as


if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time


--send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.


Hes too big to go in there. What shall I do?


[Coming forward]  Let me seet, let me seet, O, let


me seet! Ill in, Ill in. Follow your friends


What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?


I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.


Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen


Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,


Go take up these clothes here quickly. Wheres the


cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to


the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.


Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS


Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,


why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;


I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?


Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You


Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!


Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;


Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; Ill tell you my


dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my


chambers; search, seek, find out: Ill warrant


well unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.


Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.


True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see


This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.


By gar, tis no the fashion of France; it is not


Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.


Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS


Is there not a double excellency in this?


I know not which pleases me better, that my husband


What a taking was he in when your husband asked who


I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so


throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.


Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same


I think my husband hath some special suspicion of


Falstaffs being here; for I never saw him so gross


I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have


more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will


Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress


Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the


water; and give him another hope, to betray him to


We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,


Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS


I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that


[Aside to MISTRESS FORD]  Heard you that?


Heaven make you better than your thoughts!


You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.


If there be any pody in the house, and in the


chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,


heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!


Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What


spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I


would not ha your distemper in this kind for the


Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.


You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as


honest a omans as I will desires among five


Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in


the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter


make known to you why I have done this. Come,


wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;


Lets go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, well mock


him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house


to breakfast: after, well a-birding together; I


have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?


If there is one, I shall make two in the company.


If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.


I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy


A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!


Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.


He doth object I am too great of birth--,


And that, my state being galld with my expense,


Besides these, other bars he lays before me,


No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!


Albeit I will confess thy fathers wealth


Was the first motive that I wood thee, Anne:


Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value


Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;


Yet seek my fathers love; still seek it, sir:


Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!


Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY


Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall


Ill make a shaft or a bolt ont: slid, tis but


No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that,


Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word with you.


O, what a world of vile ill-favord faults


Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!


And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.


Shes coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!


I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you


good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress


Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of


Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in


He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.


Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the


He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.


Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.


Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good


comfort. She calls you, coz: Ill leave you.


My will! ods heartlings, thats a pretty jest


indeed! I neer made my will yet, I thank heaven; I


am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.


I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?


Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing


with you. Your father and my uncle hath made


motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be


his dole! They can tell you how things go better


than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes.


Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.


Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?


You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:


I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.


Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.


Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.


Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.


Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter


Perforce, against all cheques, rebukes and manners,


And not retire: let me have your good will.


Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.


I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.


Alas, I had rather be set quick i the earth


Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,


My daughter will I question how she loves you,


Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;


Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.


This is my doing, now: Nay, said I, will you cast


away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on


I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night


Give my sweet Nan this ring: theres for thy pains.


A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through


fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I


would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would


Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master


Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all


three; for so I have promised, and Ill be as good


as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well,


I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from


my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it!


Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast int.


Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a


barrow of butchers offal, and to be thrown in the


Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick,


Ill have my brains taen out and buttered, and give


them to a dog for a new-years gift. The rogues


slighted me into the river with as little remorse as


they would have drowned a blind bitchs puppies,


fifteen i the litter: and you may know by my size


that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the


bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had


been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and


shallow,--a death that I abhor; for the water swells


a man; and what a thing should I have been when I


had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.


Heres Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.


Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my


bellys as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for


By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship


Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of


Simple of itself; Ill no pullet-sperm in my brewage.


Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.


Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown


into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.


Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault:


she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection.


So did I mine, to build upon a foolish womans promise.


Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn


your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning


a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her


between eight and nine: I must carry her word


quickly: shell make you amends, I warrant you.


Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her


think what a man is: let her consider his frailty,


Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?


I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word


to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes.


Now, master Brook, you come to know what hath passed


Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her


How so, sir? Did she change her determination?


No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her


husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual


larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our


encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested,


and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy;


and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither


provoked and instigated by his distemper, and,


forsooth, to search his house for his wifes love.


And did he search for you, and could not find you?


You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes


in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Fords


approach; and, in her invention and Fords wifes


distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.


By the Lord, a buck-basket! rammed me in with foul


shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy


napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest


compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.


Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have


suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good.


Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Fords


knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their


mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to


Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met


the jealous knave their master in the door, who


asked them once or twice what they had in their


basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave


would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he


should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he


for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But


mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffered the pangs


of three several deaths; first, an intolerable


fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten


bell-wether; next, to be compassed, like a good


bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to


point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in,


like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes


that fretted in their own grease: think of that,--a


man of my kidney,--think of that,--that am as subject


to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution


and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation.


And in the height of this bath, when I was more than


half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be


thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot,


in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of


that,--hissing hot,--think of that, Master Brook.


In good sadness, I am sorry that for my sake you


have sufferd all this. My suit then is desperate;


Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have


been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her


husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have


received from her another embassy of meeting; twixt


eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.


Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.


Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall


know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be


crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall


have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall


Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I


sleep? Master Ford awake! awake, Master Ford!


theres a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford.


This tis to be married! this tis to have linen


and buck-baskets! Well, I will proclaim myself


what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my


house; he cannot scape me; tis impossible he


should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse,


nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that


guides him should aid him, I will search


impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid,


yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame:


if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go


Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS QUICKLY, and WILLIAM PAGE


Is he at Master Fords already, thinkst thou?


Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but,


truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing


into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.


Ill be with her by and by; Ill but bring my young


man here to school. Look, where his master comes;


No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.


Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in


the world at his book. I pray you, ask him some


Come hither, William; hold up your head; come.


Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer your


Truly, I thought there had been one number more,


Peace your tattlings! What is fair, William?


Polecats! there are fairer things than polecats, sure.


You are a very simplicity oman: I pray you peace.


No, it is lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain.


That is a good William. What is he, William, that


Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus


declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, haec, hoc.


Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark:


genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?


I pray you, have your remembrance, child,


Hang-hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.


Leave your prabbles, oman. What is the focative


What is your genitive case plural, William?


Vengeance of Jennys case! fie on her! never name


You do ill to teach the child such words: he


teaches him to hick and to hack, which theyll do


fast enough of themselves, and to call horum: fie upon you!


understandings for thy cases and the numbers of the


genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as


Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns.


It is qui, quae, quod: if you forget your quies,


He is a better scholar than I thought he was.


He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page.


Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.


Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my


sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love,


and I profess requital to a hairs breadth; not


office of love, but in all the accoutrement,


complement and ceremony of it. But are you


[Within]  What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho!


How now, sweetheart! whos at home besides yourself?


Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.


Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again:


he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails


against all married mankind; so curses all Eves


daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets


himself on the forehead, crying, Peer out, peer


out! that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but


tameness, civility and patience, to this his


distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here.


Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the


last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests


to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and


the rest of their company from their sport, to make


another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad


the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.


Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon.


Why then you are utterly shamed, and hes but a dead


man. What a woman are you!--Away with him, away


Which way should be go? how should I bestow him?


No, Ill come no more i the basket. May I not go


Alas, three of Master Fords brothers watch the door


with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise


you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?


What shall I do? Ill creep up into the chimney.


There they always use to discharge their


birding-pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole.


He will seek there, on my word. Neither press,


coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an


abstract for the remembrance of such places, and


goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house.


If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir


Alas the day, I know not! There is no womans gown


big enough for him otherwise he might put on a hat,


a muffler and a kerchief, and so escape.


Good hearts, devise something: any extremity rather


My maids aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a


On my word, it will serve him; shes as big as he


is: and theres her thrummed hat and her muffler


Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will


Quick, quick! well come dress you straight: put


I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he


cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears


shes a witch; forbade her my house and hath


Heaven guide him to thy husbands cudgel, and the


Ah, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket


too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.


Well try that; for Ill appoint my men to carry the


basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as


Nay, but hell be here presently: lets go dress him


Ill first direct my men what they shall do with the


basket. Go up; Ill bring linen for him straight.


Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.


Well leave a proof, by that which we will do,


We do not act that often jest and laugh;


Tis old, but true, Still swine eat all the draff.


Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two Servants


Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders:


your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it


Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.


I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.


Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS


Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any


way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket,


villain! Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket!


O you panderly rascals! theres a knot, a ging, a


pack, a conspiracy against me: now shall the devil


be shamed. What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!


Behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching!


Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go


Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!


Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.


Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford the honest


woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that


hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect


Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in


Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, sirrah!


Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.


Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wifes


Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed


out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may


not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is:


my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.


If you find a man there, he shall die a fleas death.


By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this


Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the


imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.


Help to search my house this one time. If I find


not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let


me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of


me, As jealous as Ford, Chat searched a hollow


walnut for his wifes leman. Satisfy me once more;


What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman


down; my husband will come into the chamber.


A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not


forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does


she? We are simple men; we do not know whats


fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells,


by the figure, and such daubery as this is, beyond


our element we know nothing. Come down, you witch,


Nay, good, sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let him


Re-enter FALSTAFF in womans clothes, and MISTRESS PAGE


Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand.


Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you


polecat, you runyon! out, out! Ill conjure you,


Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the


Nay, he will do it. Tis a goodly credit for you.


By the yea and no, I think the oman is a witch


indeed: I like not when a oman has a great peard;


Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow;


see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus


upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.


Lets obey his humour a little further: come,


Exeunt FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS


Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most


Ill have the cudgel hallowed and hung oer the


altar; it hath done meritorious service.


What think you? may we, with the warrant of


womanhood and the witness of a good conscience,


The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of


him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with


fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the


Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?


Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the


figures out of your husbands brains. If they can


find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight


shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be


Ill warrant theyll have him publicly shamed: and


methinks there would be no period to the jest,


Come, to the forge with it then; shape it: I would


Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your


horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at


What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear


not of him in the court. Let me speak with the


They shall have my horses; but Ill make them pay;


Ill sauce them: they have had my house a week at


command; I have turned away my other guests: they


Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and SIR HUGH EVANS


Tis one of the best discretions of a oman as ever


And did he send you both these letters at an instant?


Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt;


Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour stand


But let our plot go forward: let our wives


Yet once again, to make us public sport,


Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,


Where we may take him and disgrace him for it.


There is no better way than that they spoke of.


How? to send him word theyll meet him in the park


You say he has been thrown in the rivers and has


been grievously peaten as an old oman: methinks


there should be terrors in him that he should not


come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have


Devise but how youll use him when he comes,


And let us two devise to bring him thither.


There is an old tale goes that Herne the hunter,


Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,


Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,


Walk round about an oak, with great raggd horns;


And there he blasts the tree and takes the cattle


And makes milch-kine yield blood and shakes a chain


You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know


This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.


Why, yet there want not many that do fear


In deep of night to walk by this Hernes oak:


That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.


Well, let it not be doubted but hell come:


And in this shape when you have brought him thither,


What shall be done with him? what is your plot?


That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:


And three or four more of their growth well dress


Like urchins, ouphes and fairies, green and white,


With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,


And rattles in their hands: upon a sudden,


Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once


With some diffused song: upon their sight,


And, fairy-like, to-pinch the unclean knight,


And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,


In their so sacred paths he dares to tread


Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound


Well all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,


Be practised well to this, or theyll neer dot.


I will teach the children their behaviors; and I


will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the


That will be excellent. Ill go and buy them vizards.


My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,


And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight.


Hell tell me all his purpose: sure, hell come.


Let us about it: it is admirable pleasures and fery


Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.


Ill to the doctor: he hath my good will,


And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.


That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;


The doctor is well moneyd, and his friends


Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,


Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.


What wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin?


speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.


Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff


Theres his chamber, his house, his castle, his


standing-bed and truckle-bed; tis painted about


with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go


knock and call; hell speak like an Anthropophaginian


Theres an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his


chamber: Ill be so bold as stay, sir, till she come


Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: Ill


call. Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from


thy lungs military: art thou there? it is thine


Heres a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of


thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her


descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy?


There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with


Pray you, sir, wast not the wise woman of


Ay, marry, was it, mussel-shell: what would you with her?


My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing


her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether


one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the


Marry, she says that the very same man that


beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of


I would I could have spoken with the woman herself;


I had other things to have spoken with her too from


Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne


Page; to know if it were my masters fortune to


To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.


I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad


Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was


Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught


me more wit than ever I learned before in my life;


and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for


Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!


Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.


Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came


beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of


them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away,


like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.


They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not


say they be fled; Germans are honest men.


Have a care of your entertainments: there is a


friend of mine come to town tells me there is three


cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of


Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and


money. I tell you for good will, look you: you


are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and


tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well.


Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.


I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat


you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by


my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to


Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am


undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!


I would all the world might be cozened; for I have


been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to


the ear of the court, how I have been transformed


and how my transformation hath been washed and


cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by


drop and liquor fishermens boots with me; I warrant


they would whip me with their fine wits till I were


as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered


since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my


wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.


The devil take one party and his dam the other! and


so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more


for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy


And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant;


speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart,


is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a


What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was


beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow;


and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of


Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit,


my counterfeiting the action of an old woman,


delivered me, the knave constable had set me i the


stocks, i the common stocks, for a witch.


Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you


shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your


content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good


hearts, what ado here is to bring you together!


Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that


SCENE VI. Another room in the Garter Inn.


Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I


Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,


A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.


I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at the


With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;


So far forth as herself might be her chooser,


Even to my wish: I have a letter from her


The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,


Hath a great scene: the image of the jest


Ill show you here at large. Hark, good mine host.


To-night at Hernes oak, just twixt twelve and one,


Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;


The purpose why, is here: in which disguise,


While other jests are something rank on foot,


Immediately to marry: she hath consented: Now, sir,


Her mother, ever strong against that match


And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed


That he shall likewise shuffle her away,


While other sports are tasking of their minds,


And at the deanery, where a priest attends,


Straight marry her: to this her mothers plot


Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:


Her father means she shall be all in white,


And in that habit, when Slender sees his time


She shall go with him: her mother hath intended,


For they must all be maskd and vizarded,


That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,


With ribands pendent, flaring bout her head;


And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,


To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,


The maid hath given consent to go with him.


Which means she to deceive, father or mother?


Both, my good host, to go along with me:


And here it rests, that youll procure the vicar


To stay for me at church twixt twelve and one,


Well, husband your device; Ill to the vicar:


Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.


Prithee, no more prattling; go. Ill hold. This is


the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd


numbers. Away I go. They say there is divinity in


odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!


Ill provide you a chain; and Ill do what I can to


Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince.


How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter


will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the


Park about midnight, at Hernes oak, and you shall


Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me


I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor


old man: but I came from her, Master Brook, like a


poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband,


hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him,


Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell


you: he beat me grievously, in the shape of a


woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear


not Goliath with a weavers beam; because I know


also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along


with me: Ill tell you all, Master Brook. Since I


plucked geese, played truant and whipped top, I knew


not what twas to be beaten till lately. Follow


me: Ill tell you strange things of this knave


Ford, on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I


will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow.


Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow.


Come, come; well couch i the castle-ditch till we


see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender,


Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a


nay-word how to know one another: I come to her in


white, and cry mum; she cries budget; and by


Thats good too: but what needs either your mum


or her budget? the white will decipher her well


The night is dark; light and spirits will become it


well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil


but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns.


SCENE III. A street leading to the Park.


Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and DOCTOR CAIUS


Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you


see your time, take her by the band, away with her


to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before


My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of


Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctors marrying


my daughter: but tis no matter; better a little


chiding than a great deal of heart-break.


Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the


They are all couched in a pit hard by Hernes oak,


with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of


Falstaffs and our meeting, they will at once


If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be


Against such lewdsters and their lechery


The hour draws on. To the oak, to the oak!


Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised, with others as Fairies


Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts:


be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and


when I give the watch-ords, do as I pid you:


The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute


draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!


Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love


set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some


respects, makes a beast a man, in some other, a man


a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love


of Leda. O omnipotent Love! how near the god drew


to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in


the form of a beast. O Jove, a beastly fault! And


then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think


on t, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot


backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a


Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i the


forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can


blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my


Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer?


My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain


potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green


Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let


there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.


Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.


Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will


keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow


of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands.


Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter?


Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes


restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome!


I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the


oil thats in me should set hell on fire; he would


Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; PISTOL,  as Hobgoblin; MISTRESS QUICKLY, ANNE PAGE, and others, as Fairies, with tapers


You moonshine revellers and shades of night,


Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.


Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:


Where fires thou findst unraked and hearths unswept,


There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:


Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.


They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die:


Ill wink and couch: no man their works must eye.


Wheres Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid


That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,


But those as sleep and think not on their sins,


Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides and shins.


Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:


Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room:


That it may stand till the perpetual doom,


In state as wholesome as in state tis fit,


The several chairs of order look you scour


With juice of balm and every precious flower:


Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,


And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing,


The expressure that it bears, green let it be,


More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;


In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white;


Let sapphire, pearl and rich embroidery,


Buckled below fair knighthoods bending knee:


Fairies use flowers for their charactery.


Away; disperse: but till tis one oclock,


Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set


And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,


To guide our measure round about the tree.


But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth.


Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he


Vile worm, thou wast oerlookd even in thy birth.


With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:


If he be chaste, the flame will back descend


And turn him to no pain; but if he start,


Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!


About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme;


And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.


As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.


Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,


Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.


During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS  comes one way, and steals away a boy in green;  SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in white;  and FENTON comes and steals away ANN PAGE.  A noise of hunting is heard within. All the  Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his bucks head, and rises


Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, and MISTRESS FORD


Nay, do not fly; I think we have watchd you now


Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?


I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher


Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?


See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes


Now, sir, whos a cuckold now? Master Brook,


Falstaffs a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his


horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath


enjoyed nothing of Fords but his buck-basket, his


cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be


paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for


Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet.


I will never take you for my love again; but I will


I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.


Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.


And these are not fairies? I was three or four


times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet


the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my


powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a


received belief, in despite of the teeth of all


rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now


how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when tis upon


Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your


desires, and fairies will not pinse you.


And leave your jealousies too, I pray you.


I will never mistrust my wife again till thou art


Have I laid my brain in the sun and dried it, that


it wants matter to prevent so gross oerreaching as


this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I


have a coxcomb of frize? Tis time I were choked


Seese is not good to give putter; your belly is all putter.


Seese and putter! have I lived to stand at the


taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This


is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking


Why Sir John, do you think, though we would have the


virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders


and have given ourselves without scruple to hell,


that ever the devil could have made you our delight?


Old, cold, withered and of intolerable entrails?


And given to fornications, and to taverns and sack


and wine and metheglins, and to drinkings and


swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles?


Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I


am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh


flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet oer me: use


Marry, sir, well bring you to Windsor, to one


Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to


whom you should have been a pander: over and above


that you have suffered, I think to repay that money


Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset


to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to


laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her


Master Slender hath married her daughter.


[Aside]  Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my


daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius wife.


Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched?


Dispatched! Ill make the best in Gloucestershire


know ont; would I were hanged, la, else.


I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page,